I've got the blues

So I think this is just part of the emotional map of being pregnant. I feel like I am stuck in between a rock and a hard place:) I am a very project oriented person. I like to have tasks at hand and I like to work on them and accomplish them. Then I like to relish the accomplishment for a short time and then move on to the next task or project. Which for those of you that know me, can now understand why I lack so much in the patience department.
I hear all the time that the las four weeks of pregnancy are the hardest. Right now I would have to agree. Even the first several where the morning sickness is unbearable, these past 2 1/2 weeks have been full of such bitter sweet emotions. I feel like I am ready to have our little girl. I want to so badly to just hold her,dress her, count all of her fingers and toes, see her smile and to know what she looks like. I want so badly to see Brett hold her in his arms. Hes going to be such a great dad. I want to be done being pregnant. The swollen ankles and feet, not being able to see my feet, the constant weight gain, it all wears on a persons self esteem. I want to feel normal again. I want to be able to drive my car and get close enough to reach the pedals with out feeling like my belly is going to get squished by the steering wheel. I want to be able to make it an hour with out feeling like I have to go to the bathroom.
I want to be able to get comfortable when I sleep.
At the same time, this is my first baby and I have never loved to feel her move like i have these past few weeks.I love knowing that she is mine and bretts. I love the special feeling I get knowing that this child I am carrying has just come from Heaven, it's like the first snow of the year, you just know that it's so clean and pure and most likely the purest thing that you will ever know in your life.
It is for that reason, I wander if I am really ready for this. Physically I feel so ready to be a mom, mentally and emotionally I know if I will ever be ready. It's humbled me a great deal. Its so true that you don't know what it's like to be a parent until you are one. No matter how closely you live or are involved in your neices and nephews lives. The responsibility of everything ways on you heavily. I Know the rewards will be great. I know it's to late now for what ifs , but what if I fail at being a parent, what if there is something that I didn't teach her, didn't teach her right?
I need a hobby other than my husband and my baby. Which is another reason why I am looking forward to delivering, I want to start my fitness training again and school:)
On a lighter note, Brett is doing so well in school! I am so proud of him. These classes have been very time consuming and he has kept up well with all other demands in his life including work, the birthing classes, the house, all doctors appointments, his hobbies, his church callings and being a wonderful husband. I truly have been blessed to have this good man for all time! I am so excited to see him be a dad.